Moving to Canada? Consider These 10 Countries First

By Jonathan Deesing

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Photo purchased from Reuters/Jim Young
So if Trump wins the election, you’re moving to Canada, eh? Canada is so 2004 – there are tons of other great alternatives if your political candidate loses. Like the home of Guinness beer. Or a country the size of Pennsylvania with THREE amusement parks. Here are ten suggestions for countries we recommend Trumpugees move to instead of boring ol’ Canada:

1. Belgium

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Photo by Jiuguang Wang/Flickr

While the weather can be a bit iffy, most citizens speak English as a second language, love Americans, and really love their beer. They make over 800 varieties of it. In fact, there’s not really a better reason to move to Belgium: beer, waffles, frites, and chocolate. Don’t forget to pack your appetite.

2. Japan

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Photo by Moyan Brenn/Flickr

Japan is another great option for relocation. Not only will you be able to find American fashion knock-offs for incredible prices, but you’ll get your hands on some really amazing Japanese fashions before the rest of the world. And who wouldn’t love a diet of sushi, ramen, and sake? The Japanese value simplicity in all things. Bonus: Sumo wrestling is the national sport.

3. England

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Photo by Gabriel Calderón/Flickr

Although it’s the Motherland for English speakers, you may have some trouble with the wide variety of accents. The English are pretty chill and tend to mind their own business. It’s more or less like America – except the politics are cheekier and less depressing. Their Parliament is more like a group of drunken friends arguing over who’s the best golfer than a collection of noble statesmen and women.

4. Ireland

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Photo by LenDog64/Flickr

Guinness.

Oh, ok, fine. They also speak English, and if you like wild, stormy nights in the company of some genuinely kind people, this country is for you. Plus they love to dance and play some mighty fine dancing music. (They gave us U2 and Hozier, y’know.) The Irish also adore golf, so if you’re keen on a round of 9 holes followed by a pint or two, you’re going to want to keep Ireland’s 300+ greens in mind.

5. Norway

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Photo by Jean-Pierre Dalbéra/Flickr

Architects, designers, decorators – listen up! This place is a mecca of Scandinavian design. Your mid-mod sensibilities and passion for shades of white will meet their equal in Norway. Not to mention your love of cross-country skiing. Norway has lightning-fast Internet speeds. And fjords.

6. Belize

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Photo by dronepicr/Flickr

Feeling like you need a permanent vacation after this election? In Belize, not only is English the first language, but the temperature rarely drops below 50 degrees. While living in a tropical rainforest may not sound ideal, just think: the beach is only 60 miles away in almost any direction! And if one of your biggest complaints in America is the traffic, then Belize is definitely for you. They only have 4 highways.

7. Sweden

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Photo by Tommie Hansen/Flickr

This country is for the competitive among you – the Swedes are born winners. No, seriously – the whole country has 612 Olympic medals. Imagine how they do on their high school exams! Sweden has the second fastest Internet speeds in the world. It is home to ABBA, Ace of Base, and IKEA. And in the summer, you can attend traditional crayfish parties! Yum!

8. Cayman Islands

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Photo by Bruce Harlick/Flickr

What’s better than a turtle farm and preserve, with over 16,000 turtles? Pirate Week! And what goes well with pirating? Money! The Cayman Islands are the world’s fifth largest financial center (ahem, offshore accounts). Not only will you be living on an island while you’re pirating and turtle-watching, you’ll add to the adventure by driving on the left-hand side of the road.

9. Australia

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Photo by Alan Lam/Flickr

Are you just sick of people? Perfect – Australia has three times more sheep than people. And Aussies speak their own version of English that’s pretty easy to pick up on (here’s a tutorial). They make really good wine, have annual cockroach races and the Great Barrier Reef, and are a very relaxed bunch of folks. Plus, they invented rugby, which is like American football only better because play never stops, even if someone gets injured. And kangaroos.

10. North Korea

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Photo by Clay Gilliland/Flickr

For being the size of Pennsylvania, North Korea is home to three amusement parks or, as they call them, “people’s pleasure grounds.” They have the fastest internet in the world – if you can get access to it. And marijuana appears to be legal for everyone. TV is never a distraction. There are only three channels; one airs every evening and the other two air only on weekends. And in Korean basketball, yes you CAN score a four-pointer. Best of all, you’ll be able to finally escape the madness of American politics – there’s no campaigning, and there’s only ever one name on the ballot.

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Cover image designed by Jenni Moore.